🙅‍♂️ "I had to stop being the people pleaser"

The above phrase hit hard for me this week. Originally quoted by one of the contributor’s in my best-selling book, circumstances beyond my control forced me to dig deeper. I had to say NO. I had to put people on pause. I had to stop making excuses. I had to grow up.

Being an adult doesn't always mean adapting to things much more fluidly. It sometimes means having to make the tough choices and letting people go. A good friend of mine once said, "You can't take everyone with you." Having been a people pleaser for most of my life, people pleasing always felt natural. It was a way for me to put others at ease. To not ruffle any feathers, and most of all, it was an ego boost so that people would like me. This was the intellectual side reassuring my self-worth and its value in the world.

But as I feel into my heart ❤️ and gut 🤰, I am taken on a journey back to my Catholic elementary school days (class size of 22). Because I essentially grew up with the same individuals from 1st to 8th grade, I learned very quickly how to adapt and what not to say and what not to do. I learned how to blend in otherwise the nuns would begin their shame parade. I was groomed to be the "best little boy in the world," and in doing so, that meant I got along with everyone and did whatever was asked.

But that was over 30 years ago. Although I am not the same person on the outside, the inside is often triggering.

I had to say NO a few times this week even though I could have said YES. Because the truth is, when you keep pleasing others at the detriment of yourself, you are forever doing yourself a disservice. You are not leaving room in your life for something bigger and better to come along. People pleasing may sound rosy and selfless on the outside, but it's just another mask that needs to come down.

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Every Tuesday morning at 10 AM EST I will post a powerful prompt and follow it wherever it leads. The aim is to resource all "three brains" — head 🧠, heart 💓, and gut 🤰 — in hopes of connecting the dots to those sticky parts in our nature that matter so we can live our best life.

As a syndicated columnist for Authority Magazine and Thrive Global, I have interviewed nearly 175 cancer survivors from all walks of life. In my #1 best-selling book, I Survived Cancer and Here Is How I Did It, I share the true stories of 35 of those survivors and what they learned physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from this very difficult experience which has forever shaped their worldview. The intention is to tell a survivor story — that cancer is not an ultimate death sentence. Help support this movement by purchasing and sharing this Book, eBook, or Audiobook.